Ever feel like your relationship has lost it's fire? Sure, you still love your partner and you're sure they love you, too... Still, things just aren't the same between you. In your earlier years you could barely keep from ripping off each other's clothes, now you can barely find the time to "schedule" your obligatory "intimacy." You wonder is it you? Is it them? Maybe you resign yourself to the "fact" that passion is just one of the casualties of getting older.
Passion is not something that you have a finite supply of and you don't "run out" after so many uses. You're never too old to feel passionate about your life and your lover and you don't have to accept seeing your relationship fall into passive, complacent state.
Like a lot of things in our society, our relationships fall victim to fast-paced, high-stress culture. Since 1981, dual-earner households have added about six hours to our combined work week. So we're often spending more time with our co-workers than with our families. In addition, our technological advances mean we have way more distractions with our hi-phones, internet, mp3Pods, emails, Facespace...you name it. So even when we are at home we may still be so bombarded by sensory overload that we might still spend little or no time focused on our relationships. Sex and sensuality are vital for any intimate relationship but sometimes it's easy to let other things get in the way. Any of us can take for granted a relationship (or lover) we think we can "make it up to" later but our intimate relationships are the ones we should spend the most time and effort to cultivate and maintain. So start today.
Once you've gotten home from work and pulled yourself away from the technological siren's song, how, you ask, can you rekindle that flames of love? Increase your sexual intimacy and you'll strengthen your relationship. Sexual intimacy does NOT just mean sex (though it can lead to amazing sex!), it means opening up with your partner sexually. Reveal your deepest, wildest sexual self to your partner and let them do the same. Don't be scared. This is the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with, so tell them everything about who you are sexually and let them do the same.
Start by really talking about sex -- what you like, what you don't, what you'd like to try. If you've been together a long time and have never discussed your sexual fantasies or desires, this could seem like an unsurmountable obstacle but there are lots of lovers games and books that can help any couple ease into this kind of self revelations. Be open to experimentation and don't reject what your lover says even if their desires seem unusual. Aside from those involving violence or victimization of an unwilling innocent, fantasies are a harmless escape and a release for many inhibitions and frustrations. Don't be afraid of what your lover tells you. In many instances, we don't want to act out our fantasies we just want to brush up against them and flirt. A lot of the magic will always be in your head and it's hard to pull that off in real life.
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