Low Libido Causes and Cures

Low sex drive for men or women doesn't happen in isolation from the rest of the body. Chances are your lack of libido is caused by a combination of physical and psychological effects and one could be feeding into the other.  Repairing your overall health will make you feel more attractive, more energetic and more enthused about having sex. This can go a long way toward overcoming many psychological stumbling blocks.

The main causes of decreased sexual interest for both men and women is usually stress, anxiety and fatigue. There are just so many demands on the average couple these days (between work and family) that a lot of your energy can be sapped away from your love life. Feeling good about yourself and your health can improve this. Some supplements that can boost energy naturally and help elevate mood include Ashwagandha, or Indian Ginseng, which has long been recognized for it's ability to energize and rejuvenate. It can help minimize stress and relieve fatigue allowing you to feel more frisky.
Horny goat weed (yes, that's it's name) is another great supplement to boost energy naturally along with Tribulus Terrestris Extract. 

Low hormone levels can play a major role in decreased libido. Women can boost estrogen levels with supplements such as Dong Quai and Damiana. Damiana has been known to induce mild euphoria as well as helping to balance hormone levels.  Testosterone plays a key role in sexuality for both men and women so a drop in testosterone can have a definite impact on anyone's sex drive.  Mucuna Pruriens is a good herb to take to increase testosterone. The high levels of l-dopa in Mucuna Pruriens, which is converted to dopamine,  stimulates the release of testosterone in the body. Another herb, Tongkat Ali will also help boost testosterone naturally. Containing bioactive glygopeptide compounds, Tongkat Ali has been shown to increase free testosterone and decrease SHBG levels, which not only increases testosterone but for men helps with erections and performance. 

Lastly, another thing to consider if you're having problems with low sex drive is poor circulation. Although it seems obvious that vascular problems could interfere with our arousal response, it's something we may overlook.  Garlic supplements, vitamin E and Ginkgo Biloba are just a few of the well-known natural remedies to increase blood flow, lower blood pressure and aid in circulation.

You can find out more about healthy, natural supplements and save up to $10 by following this link to VitaminEmporium.

Get Back in Touch with Massage

Couples can use sensual massage as a means to get back in touch with your sexuality and improve your intimacy.  Everyone likes to be touched in that sexy way. Because while we all love massages, they're even better when done by a sexy lover.

Sensual massage involves the all five senses : sight, touch, smell, taste, and sound. You can create an erotic smorgsboard of sensations through the use of relaxing music, scented candles, chocolate or other nibbles, and a slow relaxing touch.  The receiver's only job in this is to relax and remain open to the sensual touch of the giver.  The giver's job is to touch your partner in a way that is both soothing and pleasurable to them.  Touch during a sensual massage should be gentle and almost tickling. The skin is the largest organ in the body and is covered in sensitive nerve endings that respond to light touch.

To start your partner's sensual massage, rub your hands together briefly to warm them and also warm the massage oil you'll be using (for just a few seconds) in the microwave or by running the container under hot water.   Begin with long strokes down the largest areas of the body, working your way from the head down to the toes.  You can start with your lover lying face down. You can accentuate the light, tickling touch by incorporating feathers, fur or other textures to heighten your lover's sensations.

Men should concentrate on the clitoris and breasts. Women should touch the penile erogenous zones on men. Both partners can concentrate on the buttocks, anus and inner thighs with light sensual touching massage.

You can find out more about performing an erotic massage on your partner here and if you live in the Dallas metroplex area, you can schedule an erotic couples massage here.

Experiment with different techniques and ways to touch your partner until you find just the right combination to reignite your passions.

Resparking Loves Flames

Last post, I talked about the difficulty in keeping a relationship going when you've been with the same person for a long time. We tend to take them for granted, we think they already “know” that we love them, and we prioritize jobs and other obligations above our sex lives. But we've got to stop all that and OPEN UP to them. We'll get the flames of love stoked again and find more heat than you even remember. Let's get back to how to do that.

Let go of any hang-ups you might have about your body and get naked together with all the lights on!  If you can't accept your body, you can unwittingly create barriers to openness and intimacy with your partner.  This is especially true for women. We're often so critical of ourselves -- making constant mental comparisons to media images. But while you're making excuses to avoid showing your flaws, they are thinking you just don't want to be with them.   Allowing your partner to see your body naked in the light shows your openness in a way words could never convey.  And there isn't any sensation more sensual than the feeling of skin on skin.  Even if you're not having sex, just lying together in the raw and talking can be an amazing experience.  Similar to the discussion about fantasies, never ridicule or mock your partner and their flaws.  Concentrate on their positive traits and I'll bet you'll hear them talking about yours. 

When Loves Flame Becomes a Flicker

Ever feel like your relationship has lost it's fire?  Sure, you still love your partner and you're sure they love you, too... Still, things just aren't the same between you.  In your earlier years you could barely keep from ripping off each other's clothes, now you can barely find the time to "schedule" your obligatory "intimacy."  You wonder is it you? Is it them? Maybe you resign yourself to the "fact" that passion is just one of the casualties of getting older.

Passion is not something that you have a finite supply of and you don't "run out" after so many uses. You're never too old to feel passionate about your life and your lover and you don't have to accept seeing your relationship fall into passive, complacent state.

Like a lot of things in our society, our relationships fall victim to fast-paced, high-stress culture.  Since 1981, dual-earner households have added about six hours to our combined work week. So we're often spending more time with our co-workers than with our families.  In addition, our technological advances mean we have way more distractions with our hi-phones, internet, mp3Pods, emails, Facespace...you name it.  So even when we are at home we may still be so bombarded by sensory overload that we might still spend little or no time focused on our relationships.  Sex and sensuality are vital for any intimate relationship but sometimes it's easy to let other things get in the way. Any of us can take for granted a relationship (or lover) we think we can "make it up to" later but our intimate relationships are the ones we should spend the most time and effort to cultivate and maintain. So start today.

Once you've gotten home from work and pulled yourself away from the technological siren's song, how, you ask, can you rekindle that flames of love?  Increase your sexual intimacy and you'll strengthen your relationship. Sexual intimacy does NOT just mean sex (though it can lead to amazing sex!), it means opening up with your partner sexually. Reveal your deepest, wildest sexual self to your partner and let them do the same. Don't be scared. This is the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with, so tell them everything about who you are sexually and let them do the same.

Start by really talking about sex -- what you like, what you don't, what you'd like to try.  If you've been together a long time and have never discussed your sexual fantasies or desires, this could seem like an unsurmountable obstacle but there are lots of lovers games and books that can help any couple ease into this kind of self revelations.  Be open to experimentation and don't reject what your lover says even if their desires seem unusual. Aside from those involving violence or victimization of an unwilling innocent, fantasies are a harmless escape and a release for many inhibitions and frustrations.  Don't be afraid of what your lover tells you.  In many instances,  we don't want to act out our fantasies we just want to brush up against them and flirt.  A lot of the magic will always be in your head and it's hard to pull that off in real life.

continued

The Sensual Side of Touching

We all know that a lot of touch we engage in as adults is sexual but what about sensual touch? We often lose sight of the sensual in our quest for the sexual and  when we do, we give up a big part of the fun and thrill that we once found in our early relationships. So what's the difference?

Many people in long-term relationships tend to have a standard "formula" to their love making. They have long since learned what their lover likes and what "works" toward reaching climax and rarely venture outside of those normal boundaries.  But when we're with a new lover, we don't know what their boundaries are, what will ilicit a response, where their errogenous zones are so we explore each part of our new love.  We touch and taste slowly to find the areas that are most exciting and although we may be caught up in a rush of passion and lust, we have no assurance that our explorations are going to lead to anything more.  We're on untested ground and we're just enjoying the journey.

When you're with your mate, try to embody that sensation of new love again.  Embrace, kiss, touch, taste and explore as though you have no expectations and discover what I like to call the "art of the long, slow tease." See if using your sense of sensuality doesn't make a marked improvement on your sexuality.

What Language Do You Speak?

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman discusses how each of us are geared towards having a primary love language. The actions that you associate with love and caring from a mate indicate what Chapman calls your "primary love language." You might value gifts as a show of affection, or maybe some act of service proves your mate's undying love in your eyes. Unfortunately, your mate might be seeing things from a totally different perspective.  I once knew a couple who were both bright, charming, attractive people. They had a fine home, good family relationships and two beautiful children.  They seemed to be that couple that "had it all," yet there was constant tension between them and, since I was friends with each of them, I would hear how the other "didn't make an effort anymore" to show love and affection.  What was actually going on was that they just didn't understand what constituted "love" in each other's eyes.  The husband was a very out-going, touchy-feely kind of person who had established himself as a world-class, competitive body-builder before opening a chain of health clubs. The wife was a pragmatic physician's assistant raised in Germany who had little time or humor for anything beyond completing whatever task was set in front of her. When he finally said to her in exasperation, "I don't feel like I even matter to you anymore."  She stared at him, open mouthed and finally replied incredulously, "how can you say that? Didn't I make you dinner every night this week? And iron all of your dress shirts?"

Performing those tasks, for her, was a demonstration of devotion and reverence. For someone who was always very physical and who had spent his entire life focused on his body, her husband couldn't quite get his head around that concept.

Our up-bringing, life experiences and past relationships are all things that can shape our perception of what constitutes "love."  So maybe when you feel neglected, unimportant or unloved, it could just be that your partner doesn't speak the same "language."  In other words, what equals love in your heart and mind might not add up the same in their eyes.  Give your lover the benefit of the doubt, remember what made you fall in love to start with and try opening up about your own feelings. Tell them the things or acts that are important to you and, if you can, explain why. You may not solve all your communication problems in a day but you will be taking a big gutsy step in the right direction and anyone can understand the value of that.

And when all else fails, remember to hug your lover with all your heart and linger in each others arms remembering the way your spirits soured once at just the thought of a stolen moments together.  It might even inspire you to revisit those exciting, early days.  ;-) 

Why Touch Matters

The importance of touch has been well documented through numerous studies on newborn and pre-term infants for over four decades.  We all "know" that infants  fail to thrive or demonstrate significant bonding if they're deprived of warm, tactile stimulation.  We "know" that this is a vital requirement for the development of security and contentment. So why do we seem to discount the continued need for human touch throughout the rest of our lives? Do we, as a society think that we have a certain required ration in order to reach adulthood and from then on we're fine to fend for ourselves, like a childhood vaccination? Or is it that we are so caught up in the stress and mayhem that constitutes living one day to the next that we just don't notice the absence of tactile stimulation that was once so important? More likely, we've convinced ourselves (or had ourselves convinced) that the comfort and warmth we depended on from being touched is just "for babies." We've grown up thinking that, like our toys, pacies or blankies, that our craving for touch is something we should out-grow and leave behind.   But this just isn't so.

A recent study published in The Journal of Clinical Nursing showed that hand and foot massages eased the grief of study participants who had recently lost a loved one to cancer (details here). The study followed 18 participants who were offered either a foot or hand massage. When reporting on their experiences later, every one of them used the word "consoling" or "consolation" to describe the sensation they derived from the massage.  Reasons given by the participants for how the massage helped with their feelings of sadness and grief ranged from having "down" time when no one expected them to talk about their feelings; to gaining a sense of calm during the massage that they were able to call upon when later confronted with daily tasks in the wake of their loss; to feeling as if the therapist's caring was focused on them personally, giving them a sense of strength and connection.

And it's not just during times of grief that human skin-to-skin touch improves our out-look and well-being.  In a 2004 study, participants explored the effectiveness of therapeutic touch as a treatment for pain due to fibromyalsia.  They reported a significant improvement in their quality of life and a overall reduction in chronic pain.  Furthermore, studies conducted in nursing homes on patients suffering symptoms of dementia due to Alzheimer's disease or geriatric senility used light, therapeutic touch to achieve a reduction in the wandering, pacing and tapping  behaviors associated with these disorders.  Especially impressive about these improvements is the fact that the therapeutic sessions lasted only 5-7 minutes twice per week yet were significant enough for these souls lost in the frightening landscape of dementia that they saw a decrease in anxiety and restlessness.

If the light, rhythmic touch of massage has been shown to bring true healing and well-being to people struggling with extraordinary circumstances, why should we question our own innate wisdom that our craving for human touch will feed our spirits and fortify our souls?