That magic spark that makes us fall for someone is all about our chemistry. Literally chemistry because, as scientists have learned, it's a serious of chemical reactions that cause us to feel that "head-over-heels" elation of new love, fill us with the urgent desire in those early, heated sexual encounters and that ultimately forge a bond of stronger, deeper love and intimacy that can last a lifetime. Acknowledging this doesn't diminish our love, but it can enhance it and help us re-spark those wild romantic ways.
When we first meet someone that we find attractive, we're not conscience of it but we're picking up on the pheromones the other person is releasing. Pheromones are chemicals found in bodily secretions and they are the reason why we love to wear our lover's things that hold the "smell" of them. In addition, our early days of lust are fueled by estrogen and testosterone, our sex hormones. Both sexes actually produce both of these hormones, just at different levels, even though we generally think of estrogen as the "female" hormone and testosterone as the "male" hormone. Testosterone is the gasoline in our sex drive. Low levels of testosterone in men or women can cause us to lose interest in sex. Estrogen is more complicated, while it does increase libido and enhance our mood, it's important to fertility for both sexes because it acts to prevent cell-death - specifically in a man's sperm - so lower than normal levels of estrogen in men can cause infertility.
A cocktail of neurotransmitters make early new love so infatuating. One that we maybe don't expect is adrenaline. We associate adrenaline with our stress-response, that "fight-or-flight" reaction we often have to fear but it's also what causes the rapid heart beat or heated flush we feel when we catch of glimpse of our lover across the room or hear their voice on the phone. Dopamine is our "pleasure" or "reward" chemical. Dopamine production soars in the early phase of love giving us an intense rush of euphoria and increased energy. This "love-struck" state mirrors the effects that cocaine causes in our brains! Serotonin, which factors heavily into our moods, appetite and sleep, will be unusually low during a new romance. This drop in serotonin is very similar to the brain chemistry of people with Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder (OCD) and it's what causes us to focus so intently on our lover's good traits and block out the negative ones. It's these amazing, dramatic shifts in our brain chemistry that have led people to describe this phase of love as "madness."
Whether we see it as a good or bad thing, this intense chemistry doesn't last forever. Scientist estimate these changes last approximately three to five years. But that doesn't mean that our relationships are doomed when we come up out of the ether and start seeing our lover as they truly are. There are even more powerful chemicals at work when we stay in a long-term relationship. Oxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddle" chemical, is a brain peptide that flows over our brains and our reproductive tracts. This is the chemical responsible for "bonding" mothers to their newborns and for the "spooning" couples frequently do following sex. This chemical heightens our sensitivity to touch, encourages grooming, and forms deep feelings of attachment in both men and women. Following orgasm, oxytocin floods into the system causing the "afterglow" of sex and prompting the warm, playful moments of post-coital bliss that can really cement a relationship. What's more, the effects of oxytocin are cumlulative. The more often we're exposed to oxytocin, the deeper our feelings of attachment become for the person we're with and that's why couples that have sex more often tend to have longer, happier relationships. We can recapture those "love stoned" days anytime with the touch of a hand, the stroke of the skin and by embracing our sexuality and intimacy with our "perfect" lover.
When we first meet someone that we find attractive, we're not conscience of it but we're picking up on the pheromones the other person is releasing. Pheromones are chemicals found in bodily secretions and they are the reason why we love to wear our lover's things that hold the "smell" of them. In addition, our early days of lust are fueled by estrogen and testosterone, our sex hormones. Both sexes actually produce both of these hormones, just at different levels, even though we generally think of estrogen as the "female" hormone and testosterone as the "male" hormone. Testosterone is the gasoline in our sex drive. Low levels of testosterone in men or women can cause us to lose interest in sex. Estrogen is more complicated, while it does increase libido and enhance our mood, it's important to fertility for both sexes because it acts to prevent cell-death - specifically in a man's sperm - so lower than normal levels of estrogen in men can cause infertility.
A cocktail of neurotransmitters make early new love so infatuating. One that we maybe don't expect is adrenaline. We associate adrenaline with our stress-response, that "fight-or-flight" reaction we often have to fear but it's also what causes the rapid heart beat or heated flush we feel when we catch of glimpse of our lover across the room or hear their voice on the phone. Dopamine is our "pleasure" or "reward" chemical. Dopamine production soars in the early phase of love giving us an intense rush of euphoria and increased energy. This "love-struck" state mirrors the effects that cocaine causes in our brains! Serotonin, which factors heavily into our moods, appetite and sleep, will be unusually low during a new romance. This drop in serotonin is very similar to the brain chemistry of people with Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder (OCD) and it's what causes us to focus so intently on our lover's good traits and block out the negative ones. It's these amazing, dramatic shifts in our brain chemistry that have led people to describe this phase of love as "madness."
Whether we see it as a good or bad thing, this intense chemistry doesn't last forever. Scientist estimate these changes last approximately three to five years. But that doesn't mean that our relationships are doomed when we come up out of the ether and start seeing our lover as they truly are. There are even more powerful chemicals at work when we stay in a long-term relationship. Oxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddle" chemical, is a brain peptide that flows over our brains and our reproductive tracts. This is the chemical responsible for "bonding" mothers to their newborns and for the "spooning" couples frequently do following sex. This chemical heightens our sensitivity to touch, encourages grooming, and forms deep feelings of attachment in both men and women. Following orgasm, oxytocin floods into the system causing the "afterglow" of sex and prompting the warm, playful moments of post-coital bliss that can really cement a relationship. What's more, the effects of oxytocin are cumlulative. The more often we're exposed to oxytocin, the deeper our feelings of attachment become for the person we're with and that's why couples that have sex more often tend to have longer, happier relationships. We can recapture those "love stoned" days anytime with the touch of a hand, the stroke of the skin and by embracing our sexuality and intimacy with our "perfect" lover.
No comments:
Post a Comment