Some sources estimate that 50-60% of all marital problems or disputes have sex as their underlying cause. Issues that may have been overlooked are often blown out of proportion in relationships where one or both partners feel sexually inadequate or undesired. Sex, in and of itself, is not the single litmus test for how healthy a marriage is but a lack of physical love and intimacy is certainly an indicator of a marriage in decline. Sex does more for us than provide a means for procreation or physical enjoyment, too. Sex in a marriage or long-term relationship solidifies a sense of intimacy and connection with each other. Sex relieves stress, boosts your immune system and helps you sleep better. Besides, it's fun!
Take some time out to just be with your spouse again and spend that time just talking between the two of you about all the things that brought you together and all the fun, hard, happy things that you've been through. Marriage counselors agree that "alone time" is crucial to a successful, passionate relationship. So, turn off your cell phone, get a babysitter and just focus on each other for a couple of hours. Remember when you were dating? You couldn't wait to see that person again, couldn't wait to find out more about them. Try re-discovering who your spouse is. Ask questions you haven't asked since those early days, you may be surprised to find out that your beloved has new hobbies, interests and passions that you didn't even know about.
Take your sex to another level tonight. Chances are if you've become bored with the same old bedroom routine, your spouse has too. Expand your sex play and role-playing or introduce some fun toys or games into your love-making. Be uninhibited and don't laugh at one another if they don't work out as great as you imagined. This is supposed to be fun and if you don't experiment, you'll never know what new things might become your new favorites. Just take it slow and ask for feedback along the way.
Recognizing that your sex life has taken a downturn is the only way to start correcting it. Good sex is about learning to listen to each other and remembering that your most powerful sex organ is the one between your ears. Leave old baggage and resentments behind and start today remembering and reliving the hot, crazy sex you had when your marriage was new.
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